Day 4 Post-Op

Had a much better night's sleep and a lot less pain and wind expulsion. Seems that 2/3 of a carton of yoghurt was an ideal quantity to stave my hunger without causing heaviness. However, I had a very strange sensation in my head and it felt like I had very high blood pressure. I found my pills and took one before going to bed as I had forgotten to take it in the morning of Day 3.

I had quite a coughing fit in the night whilst on the sofa and blew my nose well several times. It seems I have a little cold.

This morning I managed to have a good shower but lost one of the dressings in the process. I am waiting to ring the consultant to ask him whether I should replace it or leave the stitches covered by just the strips of adhesive tape till I see him.

So far I have had 1/3 of yoghurt, a small glass of juice and about 200 mls of chocolate milk. I got thirsty last night and noticed that now I can injest bigger gulps of liquid without as much pain.

I have done my injection and have taken the antibiotic and blood pressure pill. Only 2 more antibiotic pills to go!

My one gripe today is that my bellybutton has migrated south and is just over my pubic area! I am sure this is not the way my belly was pre-op. I have some pictures saved which I am going to consult to see whether it is true or not. Anyway, my lower belly feels hard and difficult to manage. I hate the feeling of my belly sitting on a chair before my bum reaches it :(

What have I done to myself, oh God! How could I let Your creation get into this state?

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I am very depressed. I went upstairs to see my daughter and began crying for no reason. I feel so miserable! Must be the lack of nutrients causing a chemical imbalance in my brain.

My daughter was very naughty. She's gotten used to getting her own way with her gran and cries if you tell her off. But what do you do when a toddler keeps throwing food out of her playpen onto the freshly cleaned floor? [ignore it, yes, I read the book... just let me call the author here and see how she reacts!]

I fed her some cod in breadcrumbs that my mom had cooked for lunch. It was an inspiration as I had eaten most of the crumbs (chewing slowly) off one piece and it was an easy way to hide the traces. I know... I am awful! But it is very hard to control myself sometimes. Will I ever gain control over my desires? *sigh*

Had some ice cream, too. And some water an hour later. The instructions given to me say you must not take liquids with your food.

I came downstairs to some bad news: the consultant in the UK has refused to treat me on my return. He said that since I had my surgery done privately, the only way to see me is as a private patient.

More depression and tears. I am all out of money. So that means I won't get followed up properly (I have doubts about my surgery and sometimes feel as if I have done a very big mistake in my haste to lose weight).

The poor die every day, mom says, the rich only once...

I put a post on a forum about this and some people responded with unsympathetic comments. I'd like to see them in my shoes one day... Life has shown me that what goes around, comes around!

I had some meat broth that I cooked at lunchtime. Coughing has recommenced. I don't know what to do. I just wish I felt better, that is all.

I am so lonely...