Breaking point

I am at bursting point!

My daughter's father has gone missing. I don't know where he is, he won't answer his phone and he has not been online. Our last communication was on Wednesday, so it is 4 days without news. My e-mails, texts, voice mails remain unanswered. He had been very ill and I am worried sick he may be lying in hospital somewhere (or worse) and I'll never find out.

I want to eat. My mother brought down enough food for 2 (or enough for the old me). I am struggling to stay by the laptop and not venture into the kitchen and devour the second portion. But how am I supposed to vent my frustration? Nobody's taught me that. My mom always fed me when I cried as a baby. She does the same with my daughter now and I argue with her because I can smell my daughter has soiled her nappy and realise her crying is for a nappy change - not food. Or she wants water, company, sleep... There are so many needs to fulfil and food is not the answer.

I am strong. I can deal with almost anything - uncertainty exempted.

The thought that something bad may have happened is tearing me to pieces. I yelled at him last time we chatted. I was tired and unable to tolerate things that would normally not bother me. The passion may have died a long time ago, but I do love and value him as a person.

I hope to have news soon.