Stumbling block?

I am not happy this week. I weighed myself on Monday and found out I had put on some weight - the scales said 2-3 kgs. I was so upset, I didn't even log my weight in. I don't know if it is because I ate a bit more last week - mainly some chocolates. I did calculate the points and I was over by a bit but that does not make sense. My feeling is that the weight gain was due to the massive weight loss of the previous week which was untrue as I was dehydrated by the fever and emanciated by the belly troubles. Still, no matter how I try to explain it, the issue is I am heavier this week.

Something else that upset me is that I got a letter from the orthopaedic hospital and they don't seem willing to operate on my knees, no matter how much weight I've lost till now. They said that I'd need to lose more weight... no idea how much, no inkling when they will see me to re-evaluate the situation.

Seems like none of my problems are getting solved and to top it all up my neighbour moved and now my daughter has no one to play with (and I get no peace in the afternoons when she is back from nursery).

The solitude/loneliness is unbearable. Been having dark thoughts again. I hate being depressed. But sometimes I say 'if no one cares about me, why should I care?'

On the other hand, Bruce, my volunteer, offered to spend more time with me as opposed to time with my daughter because he recognises that I am the one who needs help more.

What can I say.

I haven't created any new pieces of artwork but managed to sell a few items on ebay (mainly clothes). Keeps me busy...

If anyone is interested, there are two Easter eggs on ebay, made of papier mache, they are hollow inside so you can fill them with sweets and give to your favourite child. I can post internationally, so if you want, by all means do bid! (I am art_by_zontania on ebay.)

Back to my complicated existence now.