And In Others We See Ourselves
There is this guy who I met online. He is a big lad, bit younger than me, so instantly I have two reasons not to want to get involved with him. However, he has the sweetest smiling eyes and a rich inner world that it would be a pity to miss just because I am looking at the cover and get caught up in details. (We expect others to accept us as we are, but we rarely afford others the same courtesy, which is probably why most of us spend their lives alone.)
Anyway, we have become friends and are supporting each other in our efforts. What is amazing, however, is how much of me I see in him. By helping him, I feel I am helping myself. I can understand myself better via him. Isn't that strange?
He sent me a photo of him taken at a flattering angle :) I saw the position of his hands and instantly knew he was hiding a big round belly. You can't kid a kidder, as they say! Then I saw some more pics of him on Facebook. He had no idea that his mum had them in her profile and I would never had seen them if he hadn't identified one lady in his profile as 'mum' when making a comment.
I think he was surprised that he had been caught out. Today I went to look at the pics again and noticed he's erased all comments. I felt a bit upset about that. Erasing things smacks of duplicity. Hiding things. Covering one's tracks. Ensuring nobody ever again finds out. Maybe I am naive to let my profile stand as it is, especially since there have been some very depressed comments that I've made in my status. What would people who do not know me make of it? I wonder.
Anyway, this guy is at a very vulnerable position right now and has idolised me. This is not good. He needs to stand on his own two feet and not rely on others for his happiness (says she who has always allowed others to control her happiness!)
I can give him friendship and advice/support but I am not ready to fall in love again. I don't believe in love. I believe in cold, hard facts. Pacts. Contracts. Balancing scales. And of course I still want the best for myself and my daughter.
Anyway, we have become friends and are supporting each other in our efforts. What is amazing, however, is how much of me I see in him. By helping him, I feel I am helping myself. I can understand myself better via him. Isn't that strange?
He sent me a photo of him taken at a flattering angle :) I saw the position of his hands and instantly knew he was hiding a big round belly. You can't kid a kidder, as they say! Then I saw some more pics of him on Facebook. He had no idea that his mum had them in her profile and I would never had seen them if he hadn't identified one lady in his profile as 'mum' when making a comment.
I think he was surprised that he had been caught out. Today I went to look at the pics again and noticed he's erased all comments. I felt a bit upset about that. Erasing things smacks of duplicity. Hiding things. Covering one's tracks. Ensuring nobody ever again finds out. Maybe I am naive to let my profile stand as it is, especially since there have been some very depressed comments that I've made in my status. What would people who do not know me make of it? I wonder.
Anyway, this guy is at a very vulnerable position right now and has idolised me. This is not good. He needs to stand on his own two feet and not rely on others for his happiness (says she who has always allowed others to control her happiness!)
I can give him friendship and advice/support but I am not ready to fall in love again. I don't believe in love. I believe in cold, hard facts. Pacts. Contracts. Balancing scales. And of course I still want the best for myself and my daughter.
posted by Tania at 4:43 AM
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