Hunger!

Trust me to go from one extreme to the other...

Yesterday, after my fourth fill, I could hardly swallow anything. All I had in the day was a glass of orange juice, a yoghurt, two glasses of milk shake made with chocolate milk and some ice cream and two slices of thin ham and two pieces of melon. The last two items got stuck and caused me great discomfort. Even water would not go down easily and when I had some cold water in the morning (in my usual trip from bed to sofa) I felt it was going to come out.

Today I ate 4-5 choco pockets (kind of cereal) dry, crunched to death and drank a gulp of water. Of course the water turned the dust into mud and it got stuck. When will I learn that I must not drink water immediately after eating? Anyway, later I made my daughter some fruit puree using 3/4 of an apple, two ripe peaches and one banana. She had a bowl of it and the rest I put in a tiny glass and stored in the freezer for later. So around 10 am I was ravenous and decided to eat something substantial. Eggs! Scrambled! They were soft enough and I ate them relatively fast as they didn't seem to cause trouble. Then I brought out the chilled fruit puree and tried some of it, too. Uh oh! Blockage on the bottleneck! I straightened my back, tried to keep calm and reduced the speed of eating with generous pauses in between. Eventually it went down and now I feel full.

I am thinking that I ought to ask my surgeon to take out 0.5 ml. Just to enable me to eat something, otherwise I'll be really weak if I have to survive on juices and milky products, plus we have my anaemia to think of. However, a part of me revels in this new state. A part of me says 'no, don't do it yet, let it stay like this for a week, ten days... that will give you a weight loss boost and then you can loosen the band and fall back on a more normal eating plan'. That part of me also tells me that maybe the band will loosen by itself and then it will be back to square 1.

I had thought at the beginning of my journey that I would like to return to England at 150 kgs. I don't think this is very possible but maybe 155 kgs is possible. That is 7 kgs away... and I have about 21 days left. A kilo every 3 days. Arrgh! Who am I kidding! It seems an impossible task!

Yesterday when I was getting dressed to go to the doctor, I felt the elastic around my waist slightly looser and was pleased. Then I thought it is probably looser because of the many washes. Because when I had given birth to my daughter, my mother sorted out the elastic band of this skirt and after a couple of weeks it nearly fell off my hips. I was more kgs then. So what is happening to my waist line? I blame the huge hernia in my belly for all the ills of dressmaking. But then again, we don't always lose weight in the same spot. Today I saw my reflection in the bathroom mirror and thought my shoulders looked slimmer, like if they've lost their upper padding. I don't know. I am thinking too much.

It is too hot and there is hardly any breeze at all. I am going off line and will contemplate the task of driving to the swimming pool.