Sunshine

Felt good today. Maybe it was that bit of sunshine that broke through the grey clouds. Maybe it was the fact that my neighbour took my daughter out and I had a bit of 'me' time. I pampered myself and even plucked my eyebrows! It was very destressing, - oh! I had forgotten how good it is to have some 'me' time.

When my daughter came home she noticed the change in me and said I smelled lovely. I put some music on and we danced and laughed staging our own little impromptu party.

Had a bowl of meat soup for dinner but I am feeling hungry now, just one hour later. It is quite cold in the house but I am bearing it as the heating is due to come on soon. I feel a bit unsure because the Weight Watchers site is down and I am using it to record everything I eat. It is a bit like asking permission to satisfy one's hunger - what can I have that won't have a negative effect on my weight loss effort? I'd like to make a chocolate pudding or maybe some French toast - oh! I am saying this and I am salivating at the thought of the maple syrup trickling down the side of the toast.

No internet tonight as they are upgrading the masts in my area and mobile broadband is now-you-see-it-now-you-don't. Luckily I have a book to read. I've been reading a lot of books lately, the best one so far was The Lost Throne by Chris Kuszneski (a very gifted young writer) followed by The Venetian Betrayal by Steve Berry. My problem wtih Berry's writing was that he took too long to get to the point and it was hard keeping track of all the different characters he introduces. I would have given up on the book but I am happy I persevered because the plot thickens and you are finally transported away.

No progress?

Long time since I last wrote on my blog. Lots of things have happened.

Looking back to those troublesome months, I recall blurry vision, inability to focus, travelling clouds through my field of vision, dark spots, feeling sleepy all the time, lack of muscle control (eg. my hands would drop things and I had trouble feeding myself without making a mess, my belly would dance as if there was a baby in it, my calf and toe muscles would cramp and freeze in weird positions and things like that.)

My anger at my GP kept me away from his surgery and that might have been a life saver because I had developed serotonin syndrome. After stopping the prescribed medication, my eyesight repaired itself to a large extent and the muscle seizures stopped gradually.
(I still get the dark spots in my field of vision, but that is when I get tired. I am told it is a sign of age and nothing can be done about it.)

I had to hit rockbottom before things began to improve. It was a bad time because of the oil crisis and things becoming so expensive that I could barely afford the basics. I struggled financially but my efforts paid off. So I was able to once again employ a housekeeper who came like a breath of fresh air and brought order and shine to our home. :) And Homestart found me a volunteer to help me with my daughter.

The pain in my knees was so bad that I could hardly stand. I had to give up on any hope to start University in Sept. 2008. I knew I had to do something about my condition, but I needed something now! I tried to swap my council home for another but it turned out there were problems at the swapper's address and I had to pull out. With Christmas looming, I decided to go back to Greece and stay with my mother for a while.

Greece was a painful experience... The old problems with my mother resurfaced and we were constantly at each other's throats. But she did help me because I didn't have to shop, cook or do laundry and this quiet existence helped ease the physical pain. I now knew that my theory was correct, i.e. that if I don't have to encounter stairs on a day-to-day living, my knees would not get as inflammed, therefore would not need constant pain medication.

Back in London, my problems have not gone away just because I did. And the fight continues, but this time I know I cannot rely on anyone - and I mean it! No doctors, hospitals, social workers or other council officials are ever going to help me. So I have decided to simply enjoy my life as much as possible and not worry about things too much.

UCLH has set a date for my bariatric surgery: April 7th. But I am not sure I want to go through with it. First of all they want me to lose 20 kgs. (I was 182.4 kgs on 9 Jan 2009) Well, if I can lose 20 kgs till April, then ... do I really need surgery? If I can do it, it will be a positive indication that I can go it alone. But maybe I will have the surgery to speed things up. We'll see.