Naughty Forties
I have reached that respectable age that every woman dreads but I feel as young as ever. That is something, I guess.
With regards to my lapband and attempts to diet, well things are not going very well. Yesterday I had a PB followed by two violent vomiting sessions which left me weak and trembling. (And there's you thinking men are supposed to make you feel like that! Hah!) I am still not fully recovered from the 3-week long illness (cold with a bout of the flu in between resulting in upper respiratory infection). My hair is falling out at an alarming rate and my scalp has thinned out so much it is painful to look at my image on the mirror. I want to think it is the change of seasons that is affecting my hair growth and that it will regenerate with time. But it could be diet-related and I vowed to start taking my iron supplements again.
My daughter is progressing by leaps and bounds. She is not using a dummy any more and I am so pleased with that. I forgot to give it to her 3-4 days ago and that was it. Amazing! She has also learned to climb on her high chair and drink from a cup. For some strange reason she seems to know what she is meant to do with things, e.g. she puts the phone back on its cradle after I have finished taking a call and she brings her plate back in the kitchen. Still she is interested in the contents of the rubbish bin and often goes through it to retrieve 'tasty little morsels' which totally freaks me out. I mean, give her a banana and you'll find it spread all over the leather sofa and footstool with little of it being eaten. So you take the banana remnants and throw them in the rubbish bin. But the little one remembers and later on she goes through the bin to retrieve what is rightfully hers and before mummy has a chance to react, the banana finds its way in her mouth.
In case you are wondering, my total weight loss to date is 20.6 kgs. Not a great feat by any means as I am approaching the 5th month anniversary. Yo-yoing since September. Sadly I am not alone in that. Many of my new friends in the forum seem to be having problems losing weight. To be honest, it seems that most people do not have the results one would have expected, but not all of them will admit it. I can't blame them, though. It is hard to accept the fact that you took a life-changing decision and it has been a flash in a pan just like every other decision you have taken in the past.
But let's not dwell on misery! Today is a new day and I have vowed to lose another 2 kgs in the next 10 days. I will be careful of what I eat and drink and for today's lunch I think a beetroot and gherkin salad with smoked ham and maybe a hard boiled egg will do me nicely. That will leave the lamb tagine for my daughter. I am baking some half baguettes in the oven now to have a bit of bread with my tea. I bought a nice eucalyptus honey from Australia that I want to try. Honey is meant to be good for you.
The Fraud
Have you ever said to yourself 'I feel like a fraud'? Well, I have. Today. Because the scales read 158.5 kgs. Last lowest weight was 153.6 kgs. That was at the end of October. All of October I struggled to lose weight, putting on weight, then losing it.
October Weight Record
30/09/2006 156.9
01/10/2006 156.5
03/10/2006 156.1
04/10/2006 155.8
06/10/2006 155.9 (up 0.1 kgs)
09/10/2006 154.8
16/10/2006 158.2 (up 3.4 kgs)
17/10/2006 157.8
19/10/2006 156.6
20/10/2006 156.7 (up 0.1 kgs)
22/10/2006 157.1 (up 0.4 kgs)
23/10/2006 156.5
23/10/2006 154.2
25/10/2006 156.1 (up 1.9 kgs)
25/10/2006 155.5
26/10/2006 155.3
27/10/2006 154.4
28/10/2006 154.1
29/10/2006 154
30/10/2006 153.6
I am 4.9 kgs more than my lowest weight.
It is so disappointing, so disheartening! I feel like a fraud because I can't make the ring work. At this moment in time I don't care whose fault it is - I have got to take the blame.
Yes, I have eaten chocolates (and could offer a dozen excuses for it) and drunk beer but I have also walked a lot - miles! One Sunday in the park, this Saturday and Sunday in Hatfield Galleria. Saturday I walked 5,500 steps not counting any made at home. Sunday I walked 4,200 steps, again not counting any made at home. According to my pedometer (device counting steps you are taking) I have burned close to 500 calories the one day and 300 the next. My joints have been killing me and it was a task to stand on my feet later in the night - the pain was excruciating.
Yesterday I had coffee and a ham and mayo sandwich for breakfast, then a piece of melon and a bite of my daughter's banana before going out as I was starving. I held my appetite for lunch but as my baby's dad needed to finish his clothes shopping, lunch was delayed. I got an egg sandwich for my daughter and ate the corners around 1 pm.
We had lunch at 4.30 pm. We went at the American-Italian restaurant in the Galleria and they were surprised to see us second day in a row. Last night was my treat. I ordered the prawn starter (5 tiger prawns cooked in chilli tomato sauce). It was unimpressive and the first prawn along with some fries stolen off my daughter's plate and the top of her burger bun made me feel ill. Probably the small coke I had to drink had something to do with it, too. Luckily the toilets were nearby and on level ground and there was a free cubicle. The rest you can imagine. I went back to the table and got a lecture, as if being sick hadn't been enough. I was unsure whether I did want to eat. I was tired and mentally worn out. But I played it safe and ordered the New York Deli pizza which is paper thin and comes with a few slices of pepperoni, ham and smoked bacon plus a few pieces of mushrooms. My daughter was agitated because she was tired and fed up with being dragged in the shops instead of being left in her warm cocoon at home. I felt very embarrassed at the restaurant as she was crying loudly and everyone was looking at me with that why don't you do something look that I used to give parents when their children misbehaved (what goes around, comes around... poetic justice, eh?)
When we got home, I was really ill. My chest was burning and my cough was productive. Luckily I had bought an expectorant from Superdrug anticipating the need for it by the scratchy chest that I felt earlier whilst shopping. I got the penicillin out, too. Lucky to have kept the pills!
Just before midnight, I came down to sleep in the armchair to keep an eye over my daughter who tends to throw her bedclothes and cough to choking point in her sleep. The bag of nibbles that her dad had bought was winking at me and I had some toffee popcorn and a few chocolate nut clusters. Yes, I know, those are unchecked calories, but for heavens sake, I did not have too much to eat throughout the entire day and only had half a glass of beer when we got home. Am I wrong to feel indignation towards the upwardly mobile scales? I would like to point out this is not standard behaviour for me. The nibbling, not the indignation...
Anyway, my plans for this week are ruined - quelle surprise! No swimming for baby and I, no going out on a date on Thursday, plus it seems I have given my daughter's father the cold as he sounded pretty miserable this morning, too. I am annoyed at this as he has an important event coming up in his life - his other daughter's wedding. I feel like I am spoiling things for everybody. :(
OK enough of a moan now, time to go rest and take my medication.
November at last!
I had many hopes for this month, seeing as it is my birth month with a milestone birthday nonetheless coming up...
However, I am at the same weight I was one month ago and October has gone by with putting on weight and then losing it. Ups and downs, ups and downs. Very tiring.
My surgeon may be coming over to give me another fill but the manufacturer of my band believes it has been placed wrongly and that is why it is not working. My options are to go to Belgium for tests and possibly new surgery or stay here and just take each day at a time never expecting any big surprises.
I am so fed up with throwing up. It is a regular occurence. This points to the band being too inflated and restricting the passage of food. However, the ability to eat large quantities is still present, so that contradicts the first supposition. I am confused.
To make things worse, I developed some sort of a visual migraine since yesterday. I had two episodes so far, losing my sight. The second episode lasted a lot longer than the first. I talked to my GP (family doctor) and he thinks I need to see the optician and if things do not improve go to him for a check up. He said it could be anything really - even a virus! Very distressing.
Till now I had the ability to load the baby in the car and take off when I felt too miserable - even if it was just going to the supermarket down the road. But with visual migraines, driving is a no-no. My first instinct is to just ignore it. I am so tired of being ill all the time. If it is not one thing, it is another. I have had enough.
Anyway, last night I was sorting the new pics and realised that I do look a lot slimmer. Here are two pics to prove that and to keep my morale up. 
December 2005 at the foreground of the London Eye
November 2006 in Trent Park
