The Evil Eye

Bruce split up with me on Friday :( Although I had the feeling he'd do that, it came out of the blue. He has not offered a satisfactory explanation (the things he said that would bother him in the long run were all things that he knew of right from the start).

I have been feeling very down. A wasted weekend in the solitude of my four walls. My aches have returned. My will to live is diminishing.

I have been eating... not proud of it, but what do you do when there is nothing else to hold on to?

That man promised so many things and I foolishly believed him. I suppose it was just another ploy to get to a vulnerable female. Who knows what secrets he's been hiding! It does not matter that I was going to end it because his stinginess and bad breath annoyed me - it is no consolation.

Still, my sixth sense tells me that he is going to regret it. He will suffer with loneliness more than I will.

Now I've got to pick myself up again. Hard to do with all life's stresses. *sigh*

Men are like buses...

and it seems that I've finally found the right bus stop because a Streetcar Named Desire... erm... Bruce has stopped and picked me up! Literally!! :)

We've been dating for nearly 3 weeks and it is amazing how a positive mental attitude and good will can help sort out obstacles.

Although the name may sound familiar to you, I assure you he is not my Homestart volunteer. My Bruce responded to an advert I had placed online and things progressed pretty fast from there. Soon we were meeting at a pub and he was not shocked by my size or disability. We felt at ease with each other and arranged to meet again. The rest is history, as they say! :)

It is sometimes scary to think how easy it is to stop being miserable and lonely. I am reminded of my friend who had been to one of those therapy sessions where they had a blanket over their shoulders representing their worries and stresses. When the group leader told them to throw away their blanket, most people held on to it.

I feel relieved and free at last. I managed to break up with my daughter's dad. That relationship was going nowhere. He had not been a good dad plus four years down the line he was still refusing to acknowledge his child. Perhaps my luck has changed because I have finally done right by us. Maybe the universe is once again in balance... who knows.

The other Bruce (my volunteer) had been on holiday whilst all this was happening and could not believe his eyes when he next saw me. I was full of smiles, dressed nicely, nails done and makeup on, just as I should have been had I not been perpetually depressed the past 2 years.

No idea if this will last, but there is no harm in living life a bit, is there! :)