Stumbling block?

I am not happy this week. I weighed myself on Monday and found out I had put on some weight - the scales said 2-3 kgs. I was so upset, I didn't even log my weight in. I don't know if it is because I ate a bit more last week - mainly some chocolates. I did calculate the points and I was over by a bit but that does not make sense. My feeling is that the weight gain was due to the massive weight loss of the previous week which was untrue as I was dehydrated by the fever and emanciated by the belly troubles. Still, no matter how I try to explain it, the issue is I am heavier this week.

Something else that upset me is that I got a letter from the orthopaedic hospital and they don't seem willing to operate on my knees, no matter how much weight I've lost till now. They said that I'd need to lose more weight... no idea how much, no inkling when they will see me to re-evaluate the situation.

Seems like none of my problems are getting solved and to top it all up my neighbour moved and now my daughter has no one to play with (and I get no peace in the afternoons when she is back from nursery).

The solitude/loneliness is unbearable. Been having dark thoughts again. I hate being depressed. But sometimes I say 'if no one cares about me, why should I care?'

On the other hand, Bruce, my volunteer, offered to spend more time with me as opposed to time with my daughter because he recognises that I am the one who needs help more.

What can I say.

I haven't created any new pieces of artwork but managed to sell a few items on ebay (mainly clothes). Keeps me busy...

If anyone is interested, there are two Easter eggs on ebay, made of papier mache, they are hollow inside so you can fill them with sweets and give to your favourite child. I can post internationally, so if you want, by all means do bid! (I am art_by_zontania on ebay.)

Back to my complicated existence now.

Yay! 5% weight loss target achieved!

Today I weighed in at 173.8 kgs, which is roughly the same weight I was when I had my weight loss surgery 2 years and 8 months ago. I am slowly but surely regaining lost ground. My double chin has lifted off my collarbone and my belly is slimming. I can now fit in my car without squashing my belly against the steering wheel. The changes are so subtle that even I fail to notice them at times!

Today has also been the day that I have achieved my 5% weight loss target. I wanted to lose 18 kgs to be able to have my knee surgery, so that is my 10% goal.

Sadly, I got a letter from bariatrics today discharging me from their care. They don't want to keep me in their books if I do not want to have weight loss surgery. This has upset me because I wanted to keep it as an option.

I am under a lot of stress since last Friday because my car went in for MOT and failed. It is now going to cost me over £500 to put it right and I won't have it till Wednesday evening at the latest. I feel the garage is taking the mickey out of me, but I cannot prove anything.

Lots of things are happening and I have to sort it all out on my own. I am feeling downhearted and last week I ate a bit more than I should have had but, to be honest, food does not solve the problems. I just have to be strong and deal with one thing at a time.

Now I am going into ebay to tell that man who's bid 99 p for my beautiful box that he can't have it as I am pulling it out of the auction.

Be strong! Be true to yourself!

Charting Visual Progress

Here is my weight chart with the gastric band. You can see a nice drop in the beginning and then it is ups and downs followed by a steady weight gain. That is when I had to have the band relaxed because my stomach was ruined by the daily vomiting.

Below is my chart for the past 5 weeks that I have been following a sensible eating plan. You can draw your own conclusions.

One stone down!

1 st. down, 1 st. down!

I feel like singing and dancing all the way to my daughter's nursery.

So what if my love life is not sorted out yet and my housing situation is as grim as ever? I have lost 1 st. in 5 weeks - not a small feat by any count.