Thoughts on diets, surgery and... swimming!

Three and a half weeks into my Weight Watchers diet and I've achieved my first weight loss target of 5 kgs. It feels good. It wasn't particularly hard to do, I have eaten more than my allowed points on occasion but did not let that hinder me. I keep telling myself that tomorrow is another day and all I have to do is try to stay within my points allowance.

I just placed a grocery order online to Tesco and managed to avoid the pitfalls of sweets and snacks. A single glance at their nutrition labels was enough to keep me on the straight and narrow. A TV advert that raises awareness about saturated fats and clogged arteries has also helped me stick to my guns.

Do I have regrets? Well, yes. I am human, after all. Sometimes I think of people who can eat all they want and miss the taste of certain calorific foods/combinations. However, my motivation is NOT to have surgery. I keep thinking that God created us perfect, and therefore we have to respect His design and not try to improve on it with surgery. Especially when that surgery changes the way things work. Obviously I would not object to surgery that is meant to fix a gross deformity or help a person see, breathe or chew better. I would even consider a tummy tuck or breast lift acceptable (but not a breast augmentation using implants).

My mother keeps telling me on the phone that she watched this and that on TV and there was this huge person who lost so many kilos following weight loss surgery (WLS)... blah blah blah. I try to explain to her that for everyone that has succeeded, there are hundreds that have failed, but she can't understand.

I think that WLS was a fad and is slowly passing. People are going back to tried and tested methods who have the minimum impact on their health.

So please don't let me hear anyone say that diets don't work. They do, if you are prepared to change your habits, keep a daily food and drinks diary, and stick with it no matter what.

I wasted valuable time... why did I rely so much on bariatrics to solve my problem? Whilst I was going from doctor to doctor, Marcy had been dieting (Marcy is a member of a forum that I belong to). She is much further down the road than I am, much closer to her end goal.

I did not have will power... But what is will power? Where do you get that from? I still don't know. But if you take it one day at a time and always aim to do your best, it works.

It is like jumping off a tall cliff into the sea below. You stand on the edge and stare down and contemplate... but you don't take the plunge. You hope that someone will push you but people are afraid to interfere. So you stand at the edge and stare and wish you could do what others are doing but fear holds you back. Fear, indecision... Then you take a deep breath and step into the void. You think no more. There! It's done. And, damn it, it feels so good! :)

Changes

It's been a long time since I was last in here and nothing much has changed in terms of weight. I seem to maintain those 20-23 kgs lost once I had the gastric band operation. Ups and downs, downs and ups.

I used to vomit a lot, then my surgeon visited me before Christmas and removed some fluid from the band. That eased things up a bit after an initial adjustment period. I had a nice Christmas in the company of Esther but when she left, I fell into dark depression. All my problems were there and there was not much I could do to sort them out.

With things getting dangerous, I booked us two tickets to Athens and we flew there in February. It was good to have a break, even though it was not your traditional holiday. I continued to exist, but instead of being home alone with my daughter, I was at my mom's home, alone in the presence of the family. My back was killing me so I went and bought some new mattresses from IKEA. Mom was not keen on spending money on new mattresses but with me covering about 1/3 of the cost, she was persuaded.

My daughter was running around mom's spacious home like mad. She was chasing the dog, being chased by the dog and got into all sorts of mischief ending up with my mom and my brothers complaining about 'how naughty' she was. I told them 'I told you so!' but nothing much changed. LOL

We got back and although I ought to fall into dark depression again seeing as once again I was cooped up in 4 walls, alone with Miss HereComesTrouble, I fought it. Yes, the problems are still here and multiplying but I have done what I can do about them and there is only so much one can worry about stuff.

Anyway, back to the gastric band...

Whilst in Greece, I had an X-ray of the stomach to see if the band was doing its work. The surgeon said it was fine and proceeded to fill it by 1 ml even though I had been to see him because the vomiting had started again and I was unable to keep food and water down!!! So I went home with his reassurance that I'd be fine and instead of being fine, I had my first acid return (sorry can't think of its proper name right now). With my throat burning, my heart beating like mad, I spent the rest of the night sitting up and had a few more returns. The next day I went back to the hospital and had some fluid removed. It still wasn't enough but the surgeon was gone and he told his secretary that I should go home and come back in the evening if the burping continued.

Well, the vomitting went on... I flew back and vomitted in the airport toilets, then in the airplane, then at home... I was so miserable; hungry, but unable to eat or even drink! I hated my doctor for it.

I saw my GP and told him my problems and I am booked to see a specialist at the Whittington Hospital in London. I can't wait for the day! I don't know what he will be able to do but at least he can check the condition of the band properly, not in a 2-minute-two-gulps test and hopefully he can check my intestines out as I have been having a lot of pain on contact with my belly, swelling, and an endless circus of constipation and diarrhoea. Maybe he will even be able to fix my hernia, too, as that may have something to do with my troubles. One can only live in hope :)

Apart from that, life goes on. Washing machine is broken and the landlady won't replace it as she wants to sell the house and has no use for it. Which leaves me with 3-4 piles of clothes to take down to the local laundrette... Argh!

Yesterday I went out to look at washing machines and was given a makeover at the Lancome stand in John Lewis. I had a pleasant time with Jonti (if that is how her name is spelled) and left looking rather nice. Spurred by the change in my face, I went across to Evans and had a quick look for clothes but ended up buying costume jewellry instead. I am attaching a pic showing the makeup and new jewellry.

Don't you just hate it when necklaces twist? I took that pic myself, using the mirror to center the image in the screen of my camera - well, one can only be so perfect! LOL

The biggest change this season is that I have joined Weight Watchers. I am still following the points system but my first week I put on weight instead of losing which means I am doing something wrong. However, when I went there last week, it was impossible to talk to the leader as my daughter was acting up and we had to go after she gave us 'the look'. *sigh* So now I am using their website and tracking my meals into their excellent programme - try it for yourselves.

Must go wash those clothes now, but will keep you posted to developments. Be well, everyone.